im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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