btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
