the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
