i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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