so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
