69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
