Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
