My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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