I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
