just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
