whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
