we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
