Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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