I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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