I didn't shave. On purpose
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
