come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
