Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
