I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
