Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
this beer tastes like vomit already
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
