meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
