Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
