these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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