i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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