I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
