This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
