ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
