So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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