Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
