He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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