You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
