i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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