Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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