Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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