The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
