apparently the secret to your success is patron
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
