It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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