The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
