now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
