You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
