i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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