ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He has the fingertips of a God
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