HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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