Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
