u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
