I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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