dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
