pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
