we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
