Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I would ride that face into the sunset
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
