I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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